I’ve talked in a few posts about how a Humanist wedding is different from a civil or religious ceremony from a practical or logistical perspective. We’ve talked about how a Humanist ceremony is entirely personalised to you both, how you will need to complete the legal wording separately and how a wedding celebrant will work with you both as equals to create a ceremony that celebrates your whole selves.
But how is a humanist wedding different in a philosophical sense? How does it feel different to a civil or religious ceremony?
A Humanist Ceremony vs. a Civil Ceremony vs. a Religious Ceremony…
What is Humanism?
Humanism is a non-religious belief system built upon being guided by compassion and reason with a respect for the natural world. The word humanist has come to mean someone who:
Trusts science and fact when seeking to understand how the universe was created and works, rejecting the idea of the supernatural (Sometimes called atheist or agnostic).
Makes ethical decisions based on reason, empathy, and a concern for human beings and other living things, including animals and the environment.
Believes that we each have one life to live, and that human beings can act to give their own lives meaning by seeking happiness in this life and helping others to do the same. (adapted from Humanists UK where you can find out more about Humanism)
What is a Humanist Wedding?
A Humanist wedding ceremony is created to be an entirely personalised wedding ceremony, unique to you, and to every couple.
A Humanist wedding ceremony can step away from the ‘standard ceremony structure’, but that doesn’t mean it has to be ‘alternative’ for the sake of it.
A Humanist wedding can and should be a wedding ceremony that reflects the real you!
Your wedding ceremony can be relaxed and informal, more offbeat, or simply a classic wedding ceremony with a joy-filled twist! These kinds of wedding ceremonies are my speciality; they are meaningful, warm and relaxed wedding ceremonies. With that little added sparkle to make them entirely yours!
A Humanist wedding is all about you (and everyone important to you).
Well, first of all, a Humanist wedding puts everyone involved at the centre of it. That's one of the really key things that I love and value about Humanist weddings, they are about the humans (yes and fur-babies) involved. It's a joyful, bespoke wedding or civil partnership ceremony, focused on your love and your story.
When you choose to get married in a religious setting, the wedding ceremony is centred on your faith; when you choose a civil ceremony, it's about meeting the requirements of the law of the land, and these choices are both valid.
In contrast, a Humanist ceremony is centred purely on the people involved, and the people or community that matters to them. Which brings me to…
A Humanist wedding truly reflects and celebrates the diversity of real life!
A Humanist wedding ceremony celebrates your relationship while giving you the opportunity to reflect and honour the family or community that you are part of. It also doesn’t make any assumptions about what a community looks like; it doesn’t rely on patriarchal tropes of cis-gendered, hetero-normative families only. It will celebrate friends and chosen families just as enthusiastically and importantly, equally.
As a Humanist Ceremony is not legally required to include specific wording and is crafted as a bespoke ceremony just for you, it is much easier for it to reflect your values and celebrate diversity, not leaning on those hetero-normative or patriarchal tropes that often crop up in civil or religious weddings. Lots of the ‘standard wedding wording’ is actually still very traditional, and while not deliberately exclusive, it definitely doesn’t really reflect lots of couples. You deserve a ceremony that fits you both perfectly - no compromises or crossed fingers!
A Humanist ceremony reflects that your story has already begun (and that is a fabulous thing!)
In a religious or civil ceremony, there is often a focus on the wedding being the start of your ‘actual’ relationship. This goes back to the first point, where in a religious ceremony, your partnership is only considered authentic when acknowledged in the eyes of your faith. Similarly, in a civil ceremony, your relationship is only formalised when it is recognised in the eyes of the law. Why is so much emphasis put on external ‘approval’ or sanctioning of your relationship?
A Humanist wedding ceremony truly centres and celebrates your story so far, as equally important as the chapters you are about to write. In fact, a lot of the ceremony that I write as your humanist wedding celebrant actually tells your story and shares that path with your guests. It’s often the bit that guests comment on most positively, because it really shows that the ceremony is entirely yours.
This element is often especially important to couples who already have children, either between them or from previous relationships, or who have been married before. In fact, it’s still the case that some faiths won’t even allow you to have your relationship formally recognised if you have been married in the past.
A Humanist ceremony can sensitively acknowledge that we’ve usually all travelled a journey before we arrive at our current location. It can honour every stop or diversion along the way that has shaped our lives, our families, our communities and our story. This story so far shouldn’t be seen as something to hide away or ignore unnecessarily.
Do we have to be Humanist to have a Humanist Wedding Ceremony?
You may have stumbled across me because you googled weddings that are non-religious, or unique weddings. You may not think of yourself as ‘humanist ’, and that is totally fine. Essentially, Humanism is about being guided by compassion and reason, with a respect for the natural world, things lots of people identify with. You can find out more at Humanists UK. A Humanist Wedding Ceremony is inclusive to everyone - you and your guests!
Are Humanist weddings legally recognised in England?
At the moment, Celebrant-led/Humanist wedding ceremonies in England are sadly not legally recognised. They have been recognised in Scotland since 2005 and are now legally recognised in Jersey and Northern Ireland.
But, you can still have a fab personalised Humanist wedding ceremony in England! What it means is, you do need to pop to a registry office and say the 'legally required words' at some point.
It’s important to know, you can do this 'legal-bit' in a way that feels right to you, and I can help advise on what feels best for you both.
For example, if you just want it to feel like a bit of wed-min, I can advise on how you can obtain a statutory legal registration ceremony from the local register office for usually around £50. You say all the legally required words with two witnesses, but you don’t have to include any of the usual ‘wedding-y’ bits unless you want to.
You can choose to do this in the days, weeks or even months before or after your Humanist wedding ceremony, or even on the day itself. I’m happy to help you figure out the right plan for you both.
While this might seem like an annoying extra step, it does give you more opportunities to have a really personal ceremony in the exact place that you want. For example, a Humanist wedding in England can take place anywhere you like including outdoors. Why not check out my blog post on how to combine your ‘legal bit’ with your Humanist wedding.
So, how is a Humanist Celebrant Ceremony different to a Civil Ceremony?
Ultimately, these three areas can be summed up as saying that a humanist wedding will feel different because it will feel entirely authentic to you both. It will celebrate and be centred purely on the people involved and the love between them - That's what makes them so feel-good.
